Intimacy can be challenging. It’s not easy feeling exposed and vulnerable to those you love and trust — much less to someone you’re newly dating. Relationships bring up our deepest anxieties, which we express in different ways. Some signs, such as Sagittarius and Aquarius, fear they’ll lose their independence, so they hold people at arm’s length. Others, like Cancer and Scorpio, crave commitment and may come off as too needy. Learning how to create true intimacy is what life’s all about. What issues might stand in your way?
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
You’re determined to do things your own way, Aries. That spark of sovereignty within you is strong, and you fear losing it in relationships. Because you can take care of things so well on your own, you may shy away from letting others know how much you need them. Practicing the art of give-and-take is the key to maintaining your independence and also letting others in deeply. Also, take care you don’t demand too much, too soon.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You know once you make a commitment, Taurus, it’s for good. That’s why you take your time choosing the right person. Once locked in, however, you want things to stay the same forever and stubbornly resist change. Fear of leaving your comfortable rut is your single greatest barrier to intimacy — a condition that thrives on constant growth. You need to trust that change is good, and embrace it with open arms before love can flourish.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
As you tend to flirt around a lot, Gemini, never staying put long enough to establish deeply-rooted ties. The fear of becoming bored or being hemmed in tends to keep you on the surface of things, never investing enough of yourself to feel committed. And, there’s that secret fear that your partner might discover the “dark twin” you try so hard to hide. Yet letting someone in shines the light of love into the darkness — leading to true intimacy.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You fear exposing your soft underbelly, Cancer. Since your emotions are so close to the surface, it happens more often than you’d like. Once exposed, you’re at your loved one’s mercy. Because you’re more comfortable nurturing others than receiving loving care, being willing to fall apart, cry or be vulnerable is actually good for you. And, your willingness to reveal yourself makes intimacy with others much more rewarding.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You have a hard time relinquishing control, Leo. And, your desire to be the one in charge can keep others at a distance. Because you seem so capable, they may be content to let you run the show. Don’t fall prey to this trap, though — sharing power in a relationship is the key to intimacy. As you reveal areas in which you’re not as competent, you let others know the true you. Your quick temper can also ward people off, so practice patience.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
A feeling of unworthiness is at the root of your intimacy issues, Virgo. You fear that if you reveal your imperfections, others will run away. Yet no one holds you to the impossibly high standards you set for yourself. In fact, they’d rather you come out and play instead of always worrying and care-taking them. Don’t let your sharp mind and analytical abilities dominate your feelings, where the magic of intimacy lies.
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
You work hard at making things beautiful and harmonious, Libra. Therefore, you may tend to sweep relationship issues under the rug where they fester and create distance between you. Intimacy is about being real, not pretending things are ideal when they’re not. Also, your agile mind is skilled at figuring out feelings without ever feeling them. Getting into the messy realm of emotions scares you, but it’s the key to intimacy.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
People sometimes feel threatened by you, Scorpio, which can be an obstacle to closeness. It’s not that you avoid intimacy; you thrive on delving deeply into feelings and confronting issues. It’s just that your intensity and blunt honesty can be too much for others. And, they may feel you want too much. On the other hand, you may hide your deepest feelings, afraid that if you open up you’ll be betrayed. You need to learn to trust more.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Yours is the sign of the eternal bachelor, Sagittarius. Footloose and fancy-free, you fiercely guard your freedom and often turn tail and run when people get too close. Your biggest obstacle to intimacy is considering commitment a trap, associated with the boring and humdrum. The solution is to find a partner who’ll give you a long leash — but in return, you’ll have to promise to stick around for the tedious parts.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
You want to be seen as the strong one, Capricorn. Capable, sure, even stoic, you shy away from the realm of emotions and are loathe to let your vulnerabilities show. Others end up leaning on you, but what happens when you need help? You need to learn how to let others past your defenses and love you. Once you shatter the illusion that you’re invulnerable, then caring becomes a two-way-street and true intimacy is yours.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
Like Mr. Spock from Star Trek, the ultimate Aquarian, your sign prefers logic to feelings. You’re seen as self-contained, even chilly, and have trouble expressing what’s in your heart. Because you possess a brighter, quicker mind than most, you think it ought to serve all your needs. You fear losing your freedom if you let others in. Yet to avoid the fate of loneliness, you need to open up and explore the territory of the heart.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Your biggest obstacle to intimacy, Pisces, is a lack of self-knowledge. You’re such a chameleon, skilled at being all things to all people, that you may not know what you really want. As you spend some time alone, apart from others’ needs and feelings, you’ll create better boundaries and lose the need to rescue those you love or let them take advantage of you. You’ll also find that place of strength that fosters true intimacy.
“It’s always darkest before the dawn.” I got this because I love Florence + Machine and these lyrics inspired me every day.
Done by Enrico Garau in Cagliari, Italy.